updates...feeling better about some things

Hey, just wanted to give a little bit of an update for anyone who actually reads this, which is probably 0.5 people. 0.5? well, because I'm probably the only person who actually re-re-reads his own posts several times because it makes him laugh and cringe. I'm taking the Toledo Firefighter exam April 29th at the Seagate Centre. Also I'm filling out an application and putting my resume on the U.S. Border Patrol and Customs website. They are recruiting around Ohio and here in Toledo this Saturday. I'm certain one of these two options will work out well for me. If not, I can fall back on the Marine Corps, as I had originally intended when I went to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Service center) in December (4 days before Xmas) for the Marine Officer program. As I had stated several times in the past, even I had definitely decided to do the Marines I wouldn't be shipping out to TBS (The Basic School) until sometime in June. I know that date is approaching quick that is why i'm hopeful one of these opportunities comes to fruition instead. It is a scary thought to think that sometime next year at this time I could be across the pond in the Middle East doing some midnight patrol on foreign soil wondering when it could be my time. I guess it beats wondering when the bank and/or Citibank (student loans) is going to come down on me and then my parents for not being able to pay off my debt to them. By the way, I went out with Tracey, Cray, Rehkopf and Steve (he doesn't get called by his last name because I don't know it, haha) last Saturday to Liquid Ultra Lounge (formerly Club Emporium [owned supposedly by a relative of the Murawski's] and we had a great night. We got to take a limousine ride from T-money and Crawdaddy's house to the club and back. Met some hot ladies, danced with a really hot shortie (who asked for my number) and mingled. Only down point is in the commotion when we were running over to Club Eclipse to see if it was jumping I twisted and sprained my ankle. Still kind of hurts, but i'll get through it i'm sure before I have to do anything physically related for the testing for the TFD/Border Patrol/USMC. Thanks T-Money for taking off running. Another brilliant idea you had when you were drunk!

Reconciling my thoughts and feelings about the past 2 years

It really has been an interesting run...2 years have nearly passed since I left college (Miami University of OH) and...it has all led to nowhere. Literally. I haven't done anything with my life since then. I haven't gone to law school like I had planned during senior year (even after taking the LSAT's). I am not a professional businessman either. In fact, right now I am working 2 part time jobs for near-minimum wages. If someone were keeping tally, 'yes, that would be less than I was making nearly all throughout college.' I am so perturbed by this that instead of doing work at my 3rd shift job I am typing this post condoning my behavior and actions. I really hate what I do for a living right now. Probably even worse, I haven't really done anything about it. I have laterally moved from job to bad job to worse job since I pseudo-graduated from Miami in May of '06. How did I know this was in my imminent future? While my friends are preparing for their mid-20's with engagements, promotions, children, homes and vacations, I am preparing for living week to week with my pitiful paychecks, an unsteady dating life, binge drinking on the weekends, promiscuity, unhealthy friendships, and the constant reminder that I still live at home. Don't misunderstand me, however. At one point last year I had, indeed, declared my independence when I moved out of my home of 10+ years and moved in with an unstable woman and her quiet housemate. But, as noted, I moved back home after 5 months after realizing that my unsteady paychecks from the bar would not suffice it when it came time to pay my student loans back. That, and the fact that my psycho homeowner/housemate (I'll just call her "C") accused my friend of 'purposely' letting her dogs of their cages and out of the house.
But, all ranting aside, I've come to the realization that vicariously living some life through someone's successes will not bring me happiness. The best my parents think I can do now is manage some bass pro shop as witnessed by the enthusiasm they embued me to apply there. I know I can do better. That's not the happiness or the contentment I'm looking for. In fact, each passing day, I realize that if I don't do something quick to find the happiness in life that seems so elusive to me now, one day I could just lose it and do something horrible. Maybe worse, I might become some 50-year old man who lives in an 1 bedroom apt who laments about all the 'what-if's' in his life. I know I can become successful, contented, happy, a good husband, father, etc...but, first I need to figure out how to become that such person. With everyone's advice, I feel like i'm forgetting what I really want to be, who i want to become. In 2 years it's gotten easy to do that...