It really has been an interesting run...2 years have nearly passed since I left college (Miami University of OH) and...it has all led to nowhere. Literally. I haven't done anything with my life since then. I haven't gone to law school like I had planned during senior year (even after taking the LSAT's). I am not a professional businessman either. In fact, right now I am working 2 part time jobs for near-minimum wages. If someone were keeping tally, 'yes, that would be less than I was making nearly all throughout college.' I am so perturbed by this that instead of doing work at my 3rd shift job I am typing this post condoning my behavior and actions. I really hate what I do for a living right now. Probably even worse, I haven't really done anything about it. I have laterally moved from job to bad job to worse job since I pseudo-graduated from Miami in May of '06. How did I know this was in my imminent future? While my friends are preparing for their mid-20's with engagements, promotions, children, homes and vacations, I am preparing for living week to week with my pitiful paychecks, an unsteady dating life, binge drinking on the weekends, promiscuity, unhealthy friendships, and the constant reminder that I still live at home. Don't misunderstand me, however. At one point last year I had, indeed, declared my independence when I moved out of my home of 10+ years and moved in with an unstable woman and her quiet housemate. But, as noted, I moved back home after 5 months after realizing that my unsteady paychecks from the bar would not suffice it when it came time to pay my student loans back. That, and the fact that my psycho homeowner/housemate (I'll just call her "C") accused my friend of 'purposely' letting her dogs of their cages and out of the house.
But, all ranting aside, I've come to the realization that vicariously living some life through someone's successes will not bring me happiness. The best my parents think I can do now is manage some bass pro shop as witnessed by the enthusiasm they embued me to apply there. I know I can do better. That's not the happiness or the contentment I'm looking for. In fact, each passing day, I realize that if I don't do something quick to find the happiness in life that seems so elusive to me now, one day I could just lose it and do something horrible. Maybe worse, I might become some 50-year old man who lives in an 1 bedroom apt who laments about all the 'what-if's' in his life. I know I can become successful, contented, happy, a good husband, father, etc...but, first I need to figure out how to become that such person. With everyone's advice, I feel like i'm forgetting what I really want to be, who i want to become. In 2 years it's gotten easy to do that...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment