An Excerpt from "How Tucker Max has affected me...Part I"

If you don't know who Tucker Max is...then, shame on you, jk. I actually received a book from a young lady (no names mentioned here for reasons I don't wish to talk about) about Tucker Max and his exploits entitled I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Now, i've only read about 20 or so pages in this interesting 1st person narration of his life but I must say that it has inspired me to talk about my own interesting, yet grotesquely immature and sophomoric exploits and debauchery. While sitting in my bed last night and again sitting in possibly my last college class, I had the notion to write about all the incredibly raucous and hilarious moments in my 5 years of college (yeah victory lap!!!) So, without much further ado, here I go (please bear with me...this could be a long one).
How does one come to terms with the type of person they were before college when that person was so much more conservative, well-rounded, and as my cousin put it at my great-grandmother's funeral "An All-American Guy"? I'm not really sure what happened to that wholesome (some would put it this way, maybe not me) kid from St. John's High School? The same kid who got asked out by his first girlfriend and wouldn't even kiss her for the first 3 months they dated?
I guess it goes all the way back to that point when I had my first girlfriend.... For privacy issues, i'll call my first girlfriend Nicki. Nicki was a very different girlfriend from any girlfriends i've had since her. She was incredibly skinny (to the point that many including her parents thought she had an eating disorder), had weird eating habits (putting 30 or so packets of sweet n low in her ice tea, which she had to have every time we went out), and obsessively worked out at 5:00 A.M. every morning before school...yeah, I would say she had an eating problem. Anyways, before I continue on, I must inform my readership that before I started dating Nicki I committed an atrocious fallacy. I lied. And it wasn't just one of those white lies about how many girlfriends I had before her, or how many girls I had kissed, but one of those ginormous, kick-you-in-the-face lies that can really hurt someone (although, in retrospect most of the people I told didn't think it was that big of a deal).
I met Nicki, for the first time, at St. John's first dance of my junior year of high school. However, I wasn't enrolled at St. John's. In fact, I was there with some of my friends who I had previously gone to school with, but now enrolled in the local public high school. When I danced with Nicki, however, I was so transfixed with her (that any girl would want to dance with me) that I told her I went there (or let her think that I was still going to school at St. John's). She asked for my number and I gave it to her. That might have been for nought if I didn't think she would call. In fact, she did call. And called for many days afterward.
It soon became apparent that we were dating and I would have to tell her the truth. I was a little bitch back then and decided to use my fake identity instead of telling her the truth. "So, big deal," I thought, "I'll be back at St. John's next year anyways and she'll never even know." However, things don't always work out like they do in your head. By the time we had been dating for 2 or 3 months it was becoming increasingly harder to fake my identity. When I would go out with her and my friend(s), I would have to tell them in advance not to mention high school, in any regard, because she would get suspicious of me. At a rather unsuspecting time of what I will continually reference as a "Winny" moment I had to do the aformentioned thing on a larger scale. Nicki and I were at dinner prior to the all-girls academy Christmas Dance. When I noticed that an increasingly large group of St. John's guys from my class had congregated in the front lobby I decided to act fast. I told them all (including 2 brothers who were good friends with my girlfriend) to act as if I was still going to St. John's that year and to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. In retrospect, if I had just shut my mouth and not said anything that night would've been fine (i'm sure) and later Nicki would've never found out the truth. But, the truth inevitably comes out no matter how hard you try to conceal it.